I trust, I release.
The words echo through my mind and permeate my temple body.
Since sharing my womb truth with all of you on the new moon, I have danced through many emotions and states of being daily. Every day I wonder, is today the day I will release?
I have had days of not being able to get out of bed, days of cramping and low energy, and days of feeling inspired and ready for anything.
I am here riding the waves, of emotion, feeling stagnant and stuck, feeling in between worlds, feeling in flux, feeling full and empty in the same breath.
I realized I was holding my belly in from showing my little bump and my secret, and not only was I holding my belly in but also the emotions that come along with this experience.
Because I already experienced miscarrying 9 months ago, part of me felt like I already grieved the loss then, I already faced reality and chose to focus on the fact that I CAN get pregnant…. but in being so strong, I denied myself the beauty and gift of being with this pregnancy and loss at this moment in time. I needed to acknowledge my sadness and loss once again so that I could move on.
The other morning I danced, danced with my tears, tears of release, tears of letting go in trust and in knowing that all is divinely unfolding.
I do my best to weave my authentic truth through with all that I share and teach. And when I had to teach yesterday I offered a yoga class based on the theme… I trust, I release. At any given moment life offers us surprises and we can always learn how to trust more and release as we let go of control and allow life to unfold as it will. The more we release, the more ease we will experience.
I trust, I release. The words of the Queen of Death Archetype.
Death to the old, to stagnation, to the ego.
Last year when I experienced my first pregnancy and miscarriage I was going through the 13 moon mystery school initiation. In this initiation, we moved through 13 different Goddess Archetypes… and we were working with the Queen of Death as I miscarried!
The other night I started to spot and thought okay this is it… I will release tonight.
I chose a 13 moon tarot card to see what they had to share… and I selected The Queen of Death once more… reminding me to allow what is ready to die to compost into the earth, to trust and release. To my surprise I found another card stuck to the back of her which read Illumination… giving me strength in knowing that as I trust and release it will allow what is ready to be illuminated, to come to light.
I may not understand what this is all about at the moment, but what I do know deep down inside is when I look back at this rite of passage into motherhood with a baby in my arms or no baby, I will hold a deeper understanding of my journey and understand my unique path and how it informs my life’s work.
Here at my studio this past week we have been hosting our very first Aerial Yoga Retreat and Teacher Training, I took my first class and fell in love with it!
And so, decided to partake in training and learn how to teach Aerial Yoga. Part of me felt like this was crazy, considering that I am in the space of waiting to bleed and release this pregnancy, but the other part of me that drives me to live my yes, said YES to following inspiration and honoring where I am in each moment as I dive into this new experience, who knows maybe this training is exactly what my body needs, to turn upside down and move around in new ways.
Today is my last day of training, and I have enjoyed having the practice and movement to focus on each day as I ride these waves!
We cannot always know why something is happening in the moment or what we will learn from it, but everything, especially challenging, offers us a gift, a lesson that we needed to experience, learn and grow from.
I am grateful for my Temple Body Arts Practices which help guide me through life… life is the canvas and living is the art, so how do you want to live your life and express yourself?
I trust in my womb wisdom and the power of creation living inside of me. We hold power to manifest our highest dreams as we align ourselves with our YES.
Will you dance with me?